Old People

Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old People remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor , Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .

If you bump into an Old People on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Person on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.

Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.

It's the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.
Thank God for Old People

(thanks, Ginger, for sharing this)

Bible vs Cell Phone

VS 



Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone? 

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? 

What if we flipped through it several times a day? 

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? 

What if we used it to receive messages from the text? 

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? 

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts? 

What if we used it when we traveled? 

What if we used it in case of emergency? 

This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible? 

Oh, and one more thing. 

Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill. 

Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls! 

When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!

Giraffe Test

Giraffe Test �
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.







2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?















Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
















3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals �
attend .... Except one. � Which animal does not attend?
























Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. �This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.








4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?























Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.




According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.


Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.

PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you feel good.

Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'

The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'

'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Oxymorons

O  x  y  m  o  r  o  n s

1.   Is it good if

 a vacuum really sucks?

2.     Why is the third hand

On the watch

Called the second hand?

3.   If a word is misspelled

In the dictionary,

How would we ever know?

4.   If Webster wrote the first dictionary,

Where did he find the words?

5.   Why do we say something is out of whack?

 What is a whack?

6.   Why does "slow down" and

 "slow up" mean the same thing?

7.   Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance"

 Mean the same thing?

8.   Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9.   Why do we sing

"Take me out to the ball game"

When we are already there?

10.   Why are they called " stands"

 When they are made for sitting?

11.   Why is it called "after dark"

When it really is "after light"?

12..   Doesn't "expecting the unexpected"

 Make the unexpected expected?

13..   Why are a "wise man" and

A "wise guy" opposites?

14.  Why do "overlook" and "oversee"

 Mean opposite things?

15.   Why is "phonics"

Not spelled

The way it sounds?

16.   If work is so terrific,

Why do they have to pay you to do it?

17..   If all the world is a stage,

 Where is the audience sitting?

18.   If   love is blind,

 Why is lingerie so popular?

19.   If you are cross-eyed

And have dyslexia,

Can you read all right?

20.   Why is bra singular

And panties plural?

21..  Why do you press harder

On the buttons of a remote control

When you know the batteries are dead?

22.   Why do we put suits in garment bags

And garments in a suitcase?

23.   How come abbreviated

 Is such a long word?

24.  Why do we wash bath towels?

 Aren't we clean when we use them?

25..   Why doesn't glue

Stick to the inside of the bottle?

26.   Why do they call it a TV set

 When you only have one?

27. Christmas

- What other time of the year

Do you sit in front of a dead tree

And eat candy out of your socks?

 

28.  Why do we drive on a parkway

 And park on a driveway?

I dunno, why do we?

A Little Boy's View of God

I don’t know if this is real or not.  This is not a homework assignment one gets in public schools.  Maybe he goes to a religious school?  Real or not, it’s a good read – amusing and thought provoking. - b

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista , CA   . He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.' I wonder if any of us could have done as
well?

EXPLANATION  OF GOD:

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just  babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and  fathers.'

'God's second most important  job is listening to prayers An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't  have time to listen to the radio or
TV because of  this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you  shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and  performing miracles and trying to teach the people  who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his  father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad
out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!

Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like
going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come
out at the beach until noon anyway.'

'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be
very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like
to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're
scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into
real deep water by big kids.'

'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I
figure God put me here and he can take me  back anytime he pleases.


And...that's why I believe in God.'